Question

An important question that arose in my synchronicity.

Whoever it was, for whatever reason, wonder why I have left basically all my friends behind.
And as the classic saying goes:
It is not you, it is me.

I have a tremendous struggle with my ego due to the pain from my disability.
It is like cavity. If you have ever suffered from it, you know how hard it is to maintain yourself when having it. Or menstrual pain if you are woman.
I am like that. More or less every day. Because my pain is never-ending.

A lot of people have pointed out that I am unbearable.
I am aware. I know of it. I am perfectly aware of the retardation in my ego.
Thus why I prefer my lonesome. I do not enjoy it completely.
But much rather that, than subjecting people to the inevitable expressions caused by my pain and suffering. I have no choice. It is always there. And managing it is a very tedious task.

This is why I prefer partaking in synchronistic communion more when I am high. Because it removes some of the effects of the pain, and makes my ego more manageable. Granted that comes with some downsides. But the alternative is often worse.
Unless I am completely alone where nobody suffers from my suffering.

Because I also know that you people suffer from your egos (assuming you are self aware, otherwise you would not even consider it). So the rising of conflict is very hard to avoid.
So it is basically for no other reason than me caring.

I am as hard to deal with as a person as my suffering is to deal with for me.
It is not a fun thing, trust me on that, if you will.