Nya

skärmen anlände. Denna gången utan problem. Skillnaden är klart märkbar.
Ens bara i operativet.
Supernöjd, och dubbelt tack till Komplett som plåstrade på såren.
Sådant som gör att jag stannat som kund sedan 2010.
Nu är jag redo. Eller ja, mer redo än vanligt.
(Som inte är speciellt redo, men aja)

Polisen

borde skjuta på de som skjuter, med riktiga vapen, på riktiga människor.
Kan garantera att det skulle upphöra snabbt. Ineffektivitet är inte effektivt. Så uppenbart men ignorerat.
Vår infrastruktur är stabil nog att hantera effekten av ett sådant immunförsvar.
Det är biologi mer än sociologi.
Och döden är inte slutet.
Därför värdet i att värdera livet.
Det utvecklade livet, oavsett ras, position och allt annat de bråkar om.
En gör sig själv värdefull eller inte alls.
Har inget med pengar att göra.
Vi är välutvecklade, det är därför vi värderar livet.
Tyvärr är ett immunförsvar nödvändigt om vi ska interagera med omgivningen samt importera den. Lika viktigt för ett land som för en kropp.
En ‘vit blodcell’ (vetenskapligt figurativt) tvekar inte – om, är du död.

Finns datorspel. Oavsett kultur och religion.
Måste inte göra oss mer efterblivna än vi är.
Det räcker väldigt långt med bara det publika meddelandet:
“Fri eldgivning”

Själv är jag för rädd för egot för att våga delta i sådant.
Luftvapen i tomrum räcker gott och väl för mig.
Det är därför jag kan hålla den åsikten utan bias.
Valet är för sällan med för mycket krångel.
Ineffektivitet är inte effektivt. Så uppenbart men ignorerat.
Annars borde ni upphöra omedelbart med vetenskap som religion.

Vi hade inte samma problem när vi hade obligatorisk tjänstgöring.
Vi har kommit nog långt att inte behöva det för en del.
Men långt ifrån alla. Om alla är “Polis“, alternativ symbol för “Stad”,
utan fördom eller inskränkning, någonstans – vem behöver skjuta?
Det låter enkelt för att det är en effektiv formulering.
Är man inte integrerad så bör det vara: “Lumpen först, landet sen.”
Svårt att lösa det på annat vis. Lumpen kan variera och bör integreras med skolan till viss del. Som hemkunskap, teknik och slöjd.
Lite som att det är svårt att bli stark utan att träna. Fast på nationell skala.

Och sutta den fördomsfulla delen av lagboken i soptunnan.
Som ni gjorde med bibeln. Den här är till och med tjockare.
Ineffektivitet är inte effektivt.

Love

Whenever I think of her
It sparks my inner fire
Quenches my thirst
Ashifies the doubt
Builds the desire
Brings the heat
Nowhere here
As her mind
Over there

I see along the long way
The one they destroyed
Follows the higher road
Lost to those deployed

In the aether far away
I smell her fragrance
A trace of blissness
In time ever fitted
To them of other
Beyond found

Something said:
Go on
Someone said:
Ever again
Someone said:
It will never end
Someone said:
Not for you in living
Someone said:
Just another flesh suit
Someone said:
Worn through passing time

I saw as I see it
I see it as I saw it
I saw it as it will sees
I see it as I it will sees
I sees as it was sawd
I sees as it is seen
Egyptian cotton

Then you whisper
Ever-present ghost of mine:
‘Virtus junxit mors non seperabit’
And time ceases to be between us in life
Present is the animation to the utter timelessness
Once from past, twice from present and thrice from future

I found it
Like they did
All those aeons ago
As human outgrew humans
‘Numbria falaahl Sokrahm vilifa’

See you in Langresiahl
If you were there
If you are there
If you theres


These syntaxes has not been invented yet.

Goal

for this week will be more humble than last week.
So that I do not accidently take premature permanent vacation.

Today, Monday, I will not do anything other than attending practice at the shooting range.
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday I will do ten kilometers with fourteen kilo.
Not gonna race it like last week, it is more to maintain form and fitness.
About to phase out the seven kilometer route and replace it with the ten as standard.
And up the ten to fourteen. Which will be the standard for next year/season.
Aiming more for distance than increased carry weight.
Since I cannot gain body weight.

Also diving into the collective subconscious.
Time to evaluate/study/observe Swedish ‘submarines’ down there.
I’ll see how far I can see. Or rather, sense.
Or rather.. recognise the patterns.
Well, you get it. Hopefully.
^^

Opinions

are a funny thing. An expression I come across rather often is the saying “opinions are not facts”. And this is true. In fact, there are quite few facts in life. If you boil it down to the essence of it.
I like to think of it in the line of constants and variables. Very few constants, that you can fairly without doubt verify to yourself. And very many (intended) variables that comes from them. This might be an important conceptualisation to get the greater context.
The only true constant I know of is ‘change’. Since it is the very thing that makes me alive. The fluctuations that vibrates my heart muscles animating me into life happens due to change. Biological rearrangement. And everything I perceive in my body thanks to it, also changes all the time. The only thing that seems immune to change is the ongoing change itself. If it were not, it would not be. If it ever changed into a state of never again changing, it would be ‘the great freeze’ of the Universe. Nothing would ever be again. No photons bouncing around affecting our retinas and changing electric signals in our brain changing thought animating comprehensive consciousness.
It is the only true conceptualised constant I can assume. Since my assumption is because of it – as a result of changing observation.

Next to that, not really qualifying as a true constant, since it is subject to change depending on the life form – would be choice. But this requires a certain level of sophistication to truly come off as choice. Especially conscious choice, which is much harder to achieve than one would believe. Even if the intellectualisation of it, the arrangement of symbols, implies conscious choice – can you consciously choose how to arrange it intellectually, or are you reciting something because your power to choose how to express is limited? Are you driven by instincts, or do you choose your behaviour?

These two, the true and semi-true constant allows an infinite amount of variables. Some of which could pass as fact depending on the context. But since the context is subject to change, also facts are subject to change. To a varying degree. Which is the entire point of integrity. To have structural integrity in the arrangement of energy. Gold is assumed to be of great integrity, since it is hard to replicate, change or break down. But it is a fact that it is subject to change, thus integrity even in those with a lot of it, can change.

This is why the obsession with facts is often proving lack of conscious choice. You choose to accept the “fact”, since it is simply easier than to question it. Which would be a more conscious choice. You may reach the conclusion that in the context of the moment, it is indeed a fact. But do you do this every time as in accordance with the constant of change? Or do you blindly accept it as an absolute fact? Which holds little difference from a constant.

In my opinion(!) people seem to carry around a big pile of facts. Some of which works, and some of which do not. In certain context they are facts, in other context they are not. You would know this if you were conscious enough to make a choice questioning the fact in the moment.

An opinion is not really much different from a fact, and momentarily, that is a fact. But only as arranged in this context. If you were partaking in an intellectual institution, which is nothing more than an arranged paradigm, energetic culture, then opinion differs from fact. But facts would not function without opinion. Because facts rarely question facts, it is usually opinions that questions facts.

I would say you need both to be an efficient thinker.
Be aware enough to observe functional facts in certain context, but also be opinionated enough to question if they work in all context.
Because all intellectual arrangement is, according to factual science in its essence, nothing more than an energetic structure taking shape in time and space. It is as valid as it is invalid depending on perspective.

The reason why people argue about facts and opinions, is according to my changing observation and conscious choice to attempt understanding it, due to their structure of variables holding weak integrity. People are throwing intellectual constructs of symbolism at each other, some of which holds greater or lesser integrity. It is essentially mental war. If you cannot win it, you can use different forms of defamation or discrediting. Which is also just opinions, and rarely facts. In some context they are facts, but in the ever animating motion of whatever the Universe as an energetic construct as perceived by the human brain is, they usually fade out as an opinion. A momentary opinion.

A personal opinion of mine regarding evolution: if it is indeed a fact, due to being a symbolic synonym to change, then the entire Universe ought to be evolving. Which would, in given enough time and space, render even the hardest of scientific facts as opinions eventually. They may have held ground for some million years, but beyond that nobody knows for certain due to the observable nature of change. Or evolution.

This is why I myself do not bother so much with facts and opinions. Because I know due to change in personality and perception stemming from it, that they most likely will phase out. Some remain longer due to structural integrity in the intellect, but mostly everything of all I have ever thought fades away eventually. I do not hold the same opinions or know the same facts as I did ten years ago. My person merely ten years ago appear alien to myself. When I look at photos of myself as an infant, I look nothing like I should look like.
Change is real. Real is change.
Reality comes into perceivable experience due to change.
Even time changes. Hence relativity as an observation of that.
Even the perception of time changes – so WHAT do we really know?

Those with a mind of a greater structural integrity can make better choices, and therefore choose what they choose to understand.
And my personal opinion, which is not a fact in this context, is that education has very little to do with it. Since education in many cases strips your ability to actually make conscious choices by arranging facts and making them facts to themselves. When a lot of it is essentially just opinion in the moment. Shorter or longer.

That is why, when people ask me for my opinions.
Do they mean now, yesterday or what I probably may assume due to expected change in the future?
When people try to use facts, have they properly questioned the fact themselves, or do they use it as a baseball bat for the opinion it rides on?

These are very important questions, since nobody I know of at least, has any idea whatsoever why Life exists.
Yet so many seem to be of the opinion that they have the absolute facts about it.

Personally, and that is conscious choice as I try to navigate my own process of change in life – I avoid that kind of people. Because they do not seem very conscious in the choices guiding their intellectual perception.

But in the greater context, it is just an opinion.
Not a fact. Because it is subject to change after all.

That oughta do it. ^^

That

was truly a movie indeed.
No wonder I have not heard about it.
It is one of those that you do not find.
It finds you when time is right.
Meet Joe Black

That one is getting shelf spot.
The title. Said it all.


Fick mig förstås att tänka på dig.
Varför skulle den inte ha gjort.
Det är den där känslan igen.

Som den gången.
Då några år sedan.
Det dog aldrig för mig.
Och kommer nog aldrig.
Vissa saker har inget slut.

Jag vet inte
hur många gånger
jag önskat den önskningen.
Men insett, att det inte alltid är så.
Även om det ibland varit så i mitt liv.
Om även omedvetet i stunden.
Även om det är inbillning.
Så är det nog mycket.
Jag hade tagit dem.
De fem minuterna.
Som du erbjöd.
Inte för mig själv.
Men delade med dig.
Och sträckt dem längre,
än jag sträckt de minuterna,
som jag upplevde med dig då.
Så lite, som kan dela så mycket.

Vissa upplevelser kan inga pengar köpa.
De förefaller helt värdelösa i jämförelse med.

Du är en.
🌹

Awesome!

Now my safe room is basically done.
Aside from some light bulbs, a first aid kit, some tools and toilet paper – hilariously enough – it is arranged for survival.
I still need to add some extra clothing and some personals, but tore up my back injury from a couple of weeks back. So it will have to wait until tomorrow. Of course I also need to hang the Swedish flag on the wall in it. ^^

But it does have a comfortable sleeping spot, six months worth of food rations, one month worth of water, a heavy duty hazmat suit, gas mask, basic medicine, and basic military outdoor equipment.
It feels nice.

Now I can go back to enjoying life, knowing that when (if) the sirens go off, I am all set.
I am not one of those.. who centers my entire life around prepping.. But instead of having insurance in theory on a paper, it is nice having something more tangible.

What are you going to do when the zombies come?

As I say, my life motto is “LIVET ÖVER ALLT”, which is Swedish for “Life above everything”.
And it is not something I say lightly. Not anymore.
One should always be a little “paranoid”, even though that is just common sense.
I mean, even squirrels do it.

Nature knows.
Far more than society.
When it comes to living life truly.

Finnish

is actually one of the most beautiful languages I know of.
That is why I do not know it myself. And do not really want to learn it.
I do not want to spoil it to myself.
When you do not know a language, it is so much easier to ‘hear’ it.
Because you do not hear the symbols. The intellect.
The artificial intelligence. Instead it sounds like song.
And it has a very peculiar melody to it.
That is why I have never attempted to learn it as an adult.
Even though I am of partial Finnish heritage.

It is like the song of birds.
If you knew what they were conveying intellectually, it would not be as beautiful.
Because there is two kinds of linguistic beauty. At least to me.
The first being total innocence. As to say, being completely oblivious.
Then you only respond to the electromagnetic reverberations expressed as emotional phonetics. Like an animal, or very young child.
The second is high level sophistry. When you know the language so well, you can make it beautiful by means of sophistication. But this usually takes many years to reach. Even if you are good with languages.
Finnish, as known for being exceptionally hard/complicated discourages me from trying to reach that level of proficiency. Russian is hard enough, and that I have studied somewhat. I intend to continue those studies next year.

If you are between those two kinds, you really only know everyday communication.
You are not innocent enough to ignore symbolic insults and such.
And you are not sophisticated enough to create beautiful linguistic art such as poetry.
I have to some extent managed to reach that novelty in Swedish and English.
Which is why I can no longer hear those languages as an innocent without great effort.
Trying to unhear everything you hear symbolically.

Finnish to me, how it sounds as a melody, is just too precious.
Even spoken English with Finnish accent has a very pleasant tone to it.
I like listening to it. Not too much though, so that I intuitively start to pick out patterns.

Synaesthetically, it has a very balanced melody, but with very sharp edges.
The rolling R:s gives it a warm tint, that is in great contrast to the sharp and coldish K:s and T:s

Not gonna

walk anymore for a couple of days.
My body hurts almost everywhere now.
Now the exhaustion catches up.
Full power.
But I won my bet with the Universe.
I am going to enjoy the reap.
In more than one meaning.
The cleansing.

It is worth the pain.
I do not like gambling.
But when I do.
Because I am forced.
Or people insist.
It is always on life and death.
No exceptions.

If you disturb my peace.
From enjoying the fragrance of life’s flowers.
Under the oak on the topmost hill.
I will wreak absolute and uttermost havoc.
I will bring a war they cannot even believe.
As their brains cannot even conceptualise it.
I will utilise the forces of Universe in my favour.
And remove all those who disturb my peace.

“God” gave me life.
I do not take it for granted.
That is a very dangerous move.
Since nobody knows what it even is.
Or why it is, or why it can be.
I love it. And I love my peace.
Anyone foolish enough.
To intentionally get in the way of that.
Gets to experience the wrath of the Universe.
Burying them like an energetic avalanche.
A tidal wave of cosmic destruction.
A sunstorm of energetic rearrangement.
Affecting even the smallest scale of homeostasis.
Killing the corrupt from within. Breaking them down.

“God” is greater than most even dare think.
One is only as good as the choices one makes.
I choose to overcome. And to sit next to it.
In my mind. As mind is above.
And as above, so below.

I, I am..

Prepared

my safe room.
It feels more safe.
Like having insurance.
I have that unnerving feeling.
Deep within my bones.
Cannot sleep proper.
Like something is about to happen.
I have no idea what.
But the feeling keeps amplifying.
In the collective unconscious.
Like animals. Legging it.
Running from a disaster.
It began late 2015.
Has been rising ever since.
Now it is so intense it combats my pain.
It feels like running from a tidal wave.
Being so exhausted one cannot run.
But it is either pushing on, or certain death.
That is what it feels like.
It is not better that my synchronicity is all over the place.
Hopefully it is nothing. Hopefully I am wrong.
But I am not taking any chances.
I felt the same about three months before they publicly announced the pandemic.
And that one showed up in my synchronicity already in 2016.
I even made a visual allegory of the feeling I felt that day.
But I was completely oblivious to the symbolism.
It only made sense in retrospect.
‘Looking for meaning’ is one thing indeed.
But it does not explain the feeling.
So I can only guess.
And assume probability.
I am far from the only one.
Saying and feeling the same thing.
So I am not taking any chances.
Now I feel like I have outrun it a bit.
Allowing a breather.
Very short one.
There are things not even machines can pick up on.
Even the military said that.
Which is why they have dogs.

Whatever it is that makes me feel this way, it is not pleasant.
I can understand why animals flee if they get this feeling.
The ground is shaking. The aether is shaking.
Maybe it is war. Maybe it is the sun loading up.
Maybe it is nothing at all.

But I am not ignoring ‘omens’.
Not anymore.
Last time it almost cost me my life.

Situational awareness.
Life is for those paying attention.
Those who does not, become prey.

Damn

you Norwegians are good at making movies. As well as music.
Just saw the prequel (The Wave) to the one I saw (The Quake) a while back.

You do you Norway. With style. 🙂


If one ever sees an excess amount of aurora borealis.
Pay attention. Anyone should know why.
Do not freak out, but pay attention.
Always have situational awareness.
As much as possible of it.
That saves lives.
If something ever were to happen.

Way way

too easy.
Oh my God.
It felt like flying today.
I was pushing close to max possible speed I am able to perform the entire 7km stretch. Did not stop once. Did not stop to drink water even.
It felt like flying.
No joking.

14kg felt like nothing compared to the 35kg yesterday.
Did the entire stretch in 63 minutes.
And almost beat my personal best last year at 61 minutes (carrying 14kg).
Personal best no carry weight is 54 minutes for 7km.
Walking.
Not running. Not jogging.

Beating 7km with 14kg carry under the hour is pretty damn close now.
Saw a fox.
Made me smile.

Invisible sun.

Well

Upped last week’s score with ten points in the standing discipline at the shooting range.
Despite pain in most of my body from yesterday’s effort.
Very pleased with myself.
And my ability.

Landed at 353,2 points total. Nothing extraordinary at all if compared to other people with full ability. Was on the edge of vomiting the last couple of shots. Had it been longer I would probably have fainted from the pain. Since I do the old style proper shooting of laying down and picking up the weapon between every shot. I do not use the assistance rig like most do.
Have had one, tried it, was not my thing. It feels unsafe balancing a loaded weapon on it, since they are so flimsy.
So I even prefer the pain from bending myself picking up the rifle every time I reload over that stuff. It feels safer. No risk of losing balance losing control over the weapon potentially hurting someone. Sure, it probably cuts a couple of points. But I do not compete with the others. I want the capacity of being able to have full body control and weapon control despite being in the standing uniform which limits movement somewhat.

Anyway. I am happy. A ten point up is a good sign. Especially considering the physical state I am currently in.
Took every stray shot like a man. Since it was easy to understand why.

Anyway.
Enough of whining.
Now it is out in the shit again.
Seven kilometers with fourteen kilo carry.
It is going to hurt like hell.
But I am no fucking loser.
Only two more laps until all the enemies will be exterminated and removed from life.

If not us, then who?
Die, but do.
URA!


(You know you guys always inspire me)

Now that

is what I am talking about.
Some proper pain in my body after yesterday’s effort.
But it was not as bad as I thought it would be.
After all, it is just pain.
My number two drug after water.

God I love this feeling.
The body becoming.
The mind strengthening.
The spirit animating.

I do not care about that screen then.
It is yet another proof to me how failed human society is.
You do not even get what you pay for.
As it always is.
Nature is better. Because it does not advertise.
It just produces.


So help me God.
To become.
So help me Universe.
To transcend.
So help me consciousness.
To ascend.
So help me nature.
To progress.
So help me life.
To illuminate.

I want to glow like you, like the sun.
I desire to be more than I can be.
I want it all. And I want more.
So please help me God.

I saw you yesterday during the walk.
Without a doubt was it you.
Taking form in a deer.
Walking with me.
In front of me.
Guiding me.
Leading me.

So help me God.
My only true friend.
The ego has nothing.
Nothing on you whatsoever.
It does not want the love.
It only gets in the way.
But does not lead.
Does not guide.

So help me God.
To remove them.
From the living.
Those who love.
Truly the love true.
They do not love.
Separate them.
Like the wheat,
from the chaff.

I see you
I see me
I see I
Eye
and
I

Alright

I removed some “hate” towards obese people.
But that is not what it is, if you allow me.
The one thing I cannot do in life is to gain weight.
Due to my disability. So call it jealousy or something.
But anger helps me combat the pain.
So it is the easiest thing to get angry at.
Sorry, nothing personal. Never has been.
Except in some few cases where obese people,
have attempted to give me health advice.
Overweight is not obese. Know the difference.

If you want my honest opinion, I admire you if you are overweight or obese working out.
Even more than fit people. Because to me that means you have spirit.
And that is admirable.
Even if you “hate” almost anorectic people like myself.
No offense taken. I understand. Truly.

I usually high five people of ‘greater frameworks’ mentally when I pass them by outside.
Because they are trying. They have not given up on themselves.
To me that is more admirable than the fit ones.

Just like it is more inspiring watching the paralympics than the real olympics.
The olympics is mindblowing and all that.
But the paralympics, that is where you find absolute spirit.
Because they are not just ‘fighting’ the competition in the sport.

I am not as ‘hateful’ as I appear.
I just love to exercise my freedom of expression, as stipulated in the Swedish constitution.
If you ask me, you will find out that I am actually pretty decent.
I am just very foul in my language.
That is why it is so important to not take me seriously.

If you are one of those overly sensitive fucks, well, then go fuck yourself slightly more numb.
Or better yet, grow some integrity.

Och

jag såg dig idag.
Du var i min synkronicitet.
Det har varit frånvarande ett tag.
Så det tog mig med storm helt plötsligt.
Det får alltid mitt hjärta att slå lite hårdare.
Får mig att le inombords.
Får mig att känna mig lycklig.

Jag fann ett schampo som doftar vilda rosor.
Som din själ.
Tvivlade inte en sekund.
Köpte två.

Jag hoppas att allt är väl med dig och dina.
Alltid min favorit. I tankarna. I drömmarna.
:*

Du vet att jag är konstig. Udda. Annorlunda.
Men jag är jag, och du är du.
Och det förändrar ingenting.

I

Fucking did it.
I FUCKING DID IT!
I FUCKING DID IT!

7 kilometers.
35 kilos. 35 fucking kilos.
THIRTY-FIVE FUCKING KILOS.
In 87 minutes.
IN EIGHTY-SEVEN FUCKING MINUTES.

First pic:
My body weight today: 50,7kg
Second pic:
Me with full clothing and shoes: 53,9kg
Third pic:
Me with full clothing, shoes standing on the dumbbells I was carrying in the hands with weight vest on and backpack loaded with weights: 85,6kg
(Hard to see since it was so hard taking that pic bending over loaded with so much weight on)

35kg is 70% of my body weight.
SEVENTY FUCKING PERCENT.

We. Are. Not. Equal.
Not. Even. Close.

Honestly though (nothing but the numbers above is serious, it is just me being happy).
Not bad considering I am missing at least one vital organ in my digestive system.
Now I have so much pain it is cancelling itself out. I cannot feel pain, because I have too much of it.

(And this is walking, not running. If you run, you do something different.
If you want to compare to me that is. The importance is the weight carried.
(weight to body weight percental ratio)
And the distance it is being carried. In the time it is being carried.
I cannot run due to my disability, the pain is simply too much.
So to me it is marching, or walking. As to say: always one foot on the ground.
The fastest you can move is just before you break into a jog.
It is probably not even a sport, but I compete against myself and do not compare.
If you are one of those, then stated above is the guidelines.
Otherwise it is just for perspective.)

This one was for you, dad.
This one was for you.
Congrats on the birthday.
You are the best. <3


I am living this song. The literal God knows how to inspire, motivate and push! <3

Finally

New sound.
That usually means something in regard to synchronicity.

Life is such a weird thing.
What even are things.
In the greater play of things.

Good headphones are A and O.
Also acquired a new keyboard, and what that is, in regard to things in the greater aspect is wholly unknown. The word itself is … curious.

And a new light portal. To most known as computer screen.
Apparently with a more rapid synchronicity. Since it projects at almost a 100hz faster than my current one.

Most people do not wonder these things. But in regard to greater aspect of … stuff. It is curious to say the least. So many things that can mean so much.
Life is weird. Truly weird.

But somehow I feel.. I do not know.
I blame the fall. It must be the fall.
Like I am angry, but yet not at the same time.
Depressed, but yet not. At the same time.
It is as if it is not my feelings. Yet I feel them.
Like having an emotional stalker, projecting feelings on oneself.
I do not know. I only know what I feel. And the arrangements of symbolism in the shape of words which I am composing in relation to those feelings.

I linguistically sing the way I feel.

What is life?
I mean seriously.
If you think you have an answer, you have not thought enough about it.
It is not knowing what it is that is important. But wonder what it is.
The point is to wonder. It is how you make life wonderful.
It is in the words. It is when you take it as known..
You lose the wonder of life. It becomes..
Routine. Sure that is needed.
It is life. But while doing it.
What is it?
Why is it?

What is everything?
The computer screen is truly a curious arrangement of energy.
Designed to project extradimensional constructs of light, conveying information by means of modulated light arranged into visual cues.
Just like the camera collects it.
In regard to structured energy, the computer screen and collection device, be it camera or otherwise, is kind of a portal in time and space. But not physically. If you look at a capture, you look through time and space. Literally. And figuratively.
Same for microphone and speakers.

I am not sure, because it could be my perception pulling tricks, but most people do not seem to be aware of such. Usually they do not even question it.
What is life?
Why is it?

What is it that makes the heart beat?
Arranging biological components in the shape of intellectually defined cells into being?
Fluctuating a homeostatic system into being by means of biologically produced reverberations through vibrating muscles.
What is that?
Why is that?

Have you ever wondered?
Or do you think you know?
A thinking which is merely a result of it.
Awareness and perception is infinite.
If you think about it rather than thinking it.
And then thinking how you can think it.
And how you can question your own thinking about thinking it.

Life is weird.
Whatever it is.
However it is.

I am not sure where it came from, or why.
But whatever, however, whyever..
Thank you.

Funny thing

America.
All their freedom.
Yet not even allowed to say FUCK.
It is as if an entire country became a meme.

I wonder what they are so ashamed of.
Biological reproduction? Expressions of power linguistically?
No wonder they have school shootings and shit.
When you cannot exercise power in language.
But are more or less free in weaponry.
Well.. for a little while.
That freedom seem to depreciate.

Perkele is basically a Finnish greeting.
As is “För helvete Örjan, hur fan ståre till?”
(For fuck sake Örjan, how the fuck are you?)
in Swedish.
We have a bit more diverse.. vocab in regard to power expressions.
Not only.. well.. FUCK. We are more creative in that linguistic genre.

Maybe that is why we do not need as many guns.
It is boring, but at least we can.. express ourselves.

I can only speak for myself.
I may speak rude, but not stupidly rude.
If I do I do have reason for it. And I will give it.
Given you are not too retarded to listen.
But I will never hurt you physically.
Unless I absolutely have to.
Only Swedish doctors do that.
And occasionally law enforcement.
And inbreds. Of course.

“När orden tryter tar nävarna till” we say in Swedish.
Basically: When words are lacking, violence emerges.
And you do a good job at censoring.
Especially for the kids. So you lull them into suppressed anger.
That is going to come out somewhere.
Usually a couple of tombstones.
Anger is good. It is controlling it that is the point.
If you overly suppress it, nobody learns to control it.

But hey.
Freedom.
^^

Have you ever

looked at humanity, with the absolute sensation of ..
You do not even have a word for it.
As far as I know.
Not disappointment.
Not disgust.
Not hatred.
Not contempt.
Not distrust.
Not disbelief.

But you know.
I imagine parents experience something similar.
When they give a gift at Christmas, and the kid is too spoiled to appreciate it.
You look at them.. like.. this is the best they can do.
That is literally the best they can do.
It is kind of a depressing understanding.
I have that with myself. I never meet my expectations.
Granted I set them higher than what is humanly possible in my situation.
So I understand it. But it is .. not depressing, but kind of similar.
I mean, I have life, and I love it. Far beyond most.
Because whenever I have one of those days, feeling like absolute shit..
There is nothing that ‘cures’ it – no addiction whatsoever.
Drugs, shopping, food or whatever people distract themselves with.
I realise I still have life.
Granted I love to edge, getting close to the edge. Almost dying.
Pushing myself so hard that I lose vision. Faint. Bleed internally.
So I get there. So that I can see over the ‘edge’ which is the … ‘portal’ .. to death.
It is when you are there, on the floor, catching breath, a heart almost stopping.
You see it. All. Everything. Beyond time. Beyond space. Beyond life.
You are all and nothing at once.
You can taste it when you have a really good orgasm, or when you are on psychedelics.
But nothing beats a near life experience. When you are so close to dead, that you almost are.

And then you come back, having seen that.
Having seen beyond it all.
And the first you see is some fucking societal inbreds fighting over words.
Make belief.
Like robots. Like machines. Like intellectual inbreds.
Incapable of transcending their ‘higher thinking’.
So much so that they take offense,
when someone says they only use 10% of their brain.
Which is usually a gross understatement.
They do not even realise that the entire body is the brain.
Indirectly. Since the body upholds the brain.
Yet you have these out of shape inbreds..
Who can barely walk properly, who insists they use 100% of their brain.
Yeah. Sure.

You are like..
You people do not even have a word for it.
Dead without being dead. Meaningless.
A waste of time. A waste of space. A waste of life.
A bunch of living mistakes.
So ignorant that they take life for granted.
So much so that they cry when people die.
As if they did not live. At all.

Have you ever been there?
With a heart on paus.
On the edge.
I have.
Hundreds of times.
So when I see humans.. ordinary humans.
I feel nothing. Nothing at all.
It is like being more dead, than actually dead.
When I am among them.
Because they make me feel nothing.
Like life does not matter.

And it.. ‘something‘ .. me.


The most relatable artwork I know in regard to this is the animation “World Record” from the movie Animatrix. It is as if everything in life *word that does not exist* you, but not life itself.
So you try to push it to the absolute edge, to the absolute limit.
And all you have is inbreds trying to fuck it up for you.
Because they cannot love life.
Only the stuff in it.

Lätt

Eller åtminstone hyfsat lätt.
10km med 14kg.
Ville att det skulle ösregna.
Men fick bara lite pissdugg.
Älskar att gå i regn. Det är motiverande.
Och rogivande.
Plus att det är mindre inavel ute.
Så man har vägarna för sig själv.
Aja, en kan inte få allt.

2/5 sträckor avklarade.
2/5 kvoter utraderade.

Varje steg.
Är ett steg.
Mot deras död.

Varje steg.
Är ett steg.
Mot deras död.