Confession

There is one thing that I really dislike with myself.
And that is my reoccurring bitterness.
Especially during the days.
I do not like being edgy.
But it is as if I do not have a choice.

You can think of it as this, as it makes it easier to understand to most people.
If I were an Avenger, well, it depdends.
Asking me, I mean, Tony Stark/Iron Man is the pick. For obvious reasons.
(Black widow if my gal got to pick)
Someone said I reminded of Dr. Strange when it released years ago.
(I have not really kept up with that Universe for a while – I believe since Iron Man 3 or something like that)
But in truth I am probably more like the Hulk.

Always edgy. Always angry.
Due to my never-ending pain.
That is why I sometimes appear to be like a floffy kitten that loves everything just a bit too much.
And the very next moment appear to be a psychopathic cold blooded killer.

Is no fun.
Trust me.
It is not fun being bitter so often.
It takes away a lot of joy.
It is one of my biggest flaws, for sure.

So yeah, that is why I am very concerned about pointing out to not take me too seriously.
I mean, it goes without saying. But some people might assume I take myself too seriously.
Which I most certainly do not. I would not be able to stand myself if I did.
This is the reason why I was very suicidal back in 2014-2016.
I began taking myself too seriously. And could not stand myself.
But I did not know it, because I was not self aware enough.
Then I got high and laughed at myself. And that is how I overcame it. Slowly.
This is also why I shy away more than most. Because I do not want to be high all the time.
And when I am sober, the pain increases, and by so my bitterness.
So I simply do not want to be rude due to me not being able to always control it.

If you find my expressions “cringy”, edgy and bitter.
Just ignore it. I mean it. Unless you like that kind of content, as some do.
Then please enjoy. But keep in mind it is only my emotional outlet, so that I do not go full scale psychopath for real. Written text hurts far less than physical violence – so it is the best I can do.

I feel it needs to be understood.
Because in many cases, I am not really how I express myself due to not having much choice in that moment. This is also reason why I method act a lot, as I try to channel it into played characters, so I can understand them.

But yeah pain.
I most certainly completely understand women during that week.
To the point where it is not even funny to me.