was truly a movie indeed.
No wonder I have not heard about it.
It is one of those that you do not find.
It finds you when time is right.
Meet Joe Black

That one is getting shelf spot.
The title. Said it all.

Fick mig förstås att tänka på dig.
Varför skulle den inte ha gjort.
Det är den där känslan igen.

Som den gången.
Då några år sedan.
Det dog aldrig för mig.
Och kommer nog aldrig.
Vissa saker har inget slut.

Jag vet inte
hur många gånger
jag önskat den önskningen.
Men insett, att det inte alltid är så.
Även om det ibland varit så i mitt liv.
Om även omedvetet i stunden.
Även om det är inbillning.
Så är det nog mycket.
Jag hade tagit dem.
De fem minuterna.
Som du erbjöd.
Inte för mig själv.
Men delade med dig.
Och sträckt dem längre,
än jag sträckt de minuterna,
som jag upplevde med dig då.
Så lite, som kan dela så mycket.

Vissa upplevelser kan inga pengar köpa.
De förefaller helt värdelösa i jämförelse med.

Du är en.

Not gonna

walk anymore for a couple of days.
My body hurts almost everywhere now.
Now the exhaustion catches up.
Full power.
But I won my bet with the Universe.
I am going to enjoy the reap.
In more than one meaning.
The cleansing.

It is worth the pain.
I do not like gambling.
But when I do.
Because I am forced.
Or people insist.
It is always on life and death.
No exceptions.

If you disturb my peace.
From enjoying the fragrance of life’s flowers.
Under the oak on the topmost hill.
I will wreak absolute and uttermost havoc.
I will bring a war they cannot even believe.
As their brains cannot even conceptualise it.
I will utilise the forces of Universe in my favour.
And remove all those who disturb my peace.

“God” gave me life.
I do not take it for granted.
That is a very dangerous move.
Since nobody knows what it even is.
Or why it is, or why it can be.
I love it. And I love my peace.
Anyone foolish enough.
To intentionally get in the way of that.
Gets to experience the wrath of the Universe.
Burying them like an energetic avalanche.
A tidal wave of cosmic destruction.
A sunstorm of energetic rearrangement.
Affecting even the smallest scale of homeostasis.
Killing the corrupt from within. Breaking them down.

“God” is greater than most even dare think.
One is only as good as the choices one makes.
I choose to overcome. And to sit next to it.
In my mind. As mind is above.
And as above, so below.

I, I am..


you Norwegians are good at making movies. As well as music.
Just saw the prequel (The Wave) to the one I saw (The Quake) a while back.

You do you Norway. With style. 🙂

If one ever sees an excess amount of aurora borealis.
Pay attention. Anyone should know why.
Do not freak out, but pay attention.
Always have situational awareness.
As much as possible of it.
That saves lives.
If something ever were to happen.


Fucking did it.

7 kilometers.
35 kilos. 35 fucking kilos.
In 87 minutes.

First pic:
My body weight today: 50,7kg
Second pic:
Me with full clothing and shoes: 53,9kg
Third pic:
Me with full clothing, shoes standing on the dumbbells I was carrying in the hands with weight vest on and backpack loaded with weights: 85,6kg
(Hard to see since it was so hard taking that pic bending over loaded with so much weight on)

35kg is 70% of my body weight.

We. Are. Not. Equal.
Not. Even. Close.

Honestly though (nothing but the numbers above is serious, it is just me being happy).
Not bad considering I am missing at least one vital organ in my digestive system.
Now I have so much pain it is cancelling itself out. I cannot feel pain, because I have too much of it.

(And this is walking, not running. If you run, you do something different.
If you want to compare to me that is. The importance is the weight carried.
(weight to body weight percental ratio)
And the distance it is being carried. In the time it is being carried.
I cannot run due to my disability, the pain is simply too much.
So to me it is marching, or walking. As to say: always one foot on the ground.
The fastest you can move is just before you break into a jog.
It is probably not even a sport, but I compete against myself and do not compare.
If you are one of those, then stated above is the guidelines.
Otherwise it is just for perspective.)

This one was for you, dad.
This one was for you.
Congrats on the birthday.
You are the best. <3

I am living this song. The literal God knows how to inspire, motivate and push! <3




Nu ska jag skämma bort mig själv med ett glas vatten och en banan.


hela sju kilometer genom absolut ösregn med viktvästen.
Kanske inte det smartaste draget när jag just tagit mig ur feber.
Men fasen det var gött. Frisk luft. Energiflyt genom kroppen.
Kalla kårar. Svett och känslan av cellulär integration.

Mina militärkängor är vattentäta åtminstone.
Ser fram emot måndag. Lätt.
Får plaska mig i form.
Om det fortsätter regna.

Är inte ensam om’ät heller.


I saw the movie “Skjelvet” (Norwegian for ‘The Quake’).
Norwegians are good at making movies.
That one was absolutely nerve-racking.
In other words: well made.

Also the Norwegian language. <3
They sound like Swedes on weed.
At all times. Happy and ‘singing’.
I love it!

However, if I found myself in a similar situation (!) like the main character.
I would stop attempting to warn people if I knew beforehand of something lingering about.
I mean, you do one or two friendly pointers. If they refuse to pick up on the synchronicity because of indoctrinated prejudice, they do not deserve to live anyway.
I would focus on the ones that matters and make sure they live.
I have never liked social credit people (not empathy, I mean the bureaucratic fascism; institutional or capitalistic – if it does not serve the people it is malign by nature).

They usually learn the hard way.
If you ever see animals running irrationally.
Or, corrupt (aka normal) humans acting violently and irrationally.
Or, sane people (aka the weird ones) preparing..
That is the “run for your life” signal.
Because that is ‘God’ knocking you (plural) in the head.
You feel it in the mind first. And your mind creates your perception.
Assuming you are not too retarded to be receptive.

I think it was a stroke of genius how they put that in the movie. With the broken waterpipes scene.
Normal people do not question the context. No situational awareness whatsoever.
At that point you should not freak out, but start paying attention and observe.
If you find further clear pointers:
Whatever that means.
Because you cannot fight nature in most situations.

Have you

ever felt the roar of trillions of cells in unison?
Their unified and harmonic screams of joy after victory?
Shivers down the spine, through the arms and legs, out in the finger and toes?
That flowing feeling of cells roaring in unison celebration?
So much so that you feel so alive you tear up?

I love that.
I live that.

The fever is now gone.
It took eight hours this time.
Love overcomes everything.

One of

my very favourite metal songs.
Philosophically speaking.

I never realised in my youth so much what it was about.
This song, and the entire album, is beautifully deep.

Over time it has grown to a completely new meaning.
Gotta love ancient dormant entities.

Who said anything about them being huge?
Maybe they were huge because of the amount of individual components they could influence…

Keep digging in that ice my dear scientists (metaphorically speaking).
Who knows what you might dig up. Long hidden deep within the Terran gene code.

I find it comedic that it is often easier to find the ‘divine’ within metal.
They always seem pretty straight to the point. Poetically or not.

Always art <3

I used to associate this allegorical piece of my Opus to this song.
Oh, synchronicity. Had I known fully back then..

(Arranged in 2016)

Night time

Always beats daytime.
Because during night,
the local ego sleeps.
Much easier to think.
Easier to lucid dream.

No tox in the aether.
No noise in the local.
No never-ending ego.
No eye-paining duality.
Peace, calm and clarity.

Love is easier in the night.
Love is far more powerful.
No filter. No nonsense.
No daily disputes.
No daily chores.

I recall your song.
I remember the say.
I will never forget it ever.
It captured it so eloquently.
Peace can only be in harmony.

And harmony only happens,
when the collective ego sleeps.
I like the mental silence it invokes.
The peaceful resting for the thoughts.
Not disturbed by millions awake minds.

Rave In Peace:

Do you not see

that this is the reason. Reason enough.
To want to live.
For as short or as long.
It is not hard to if you have reason.
Art is life. Not because it has a point that must be understood.
That understanding is an artform itself.
So because art is life.

Posted in rec


the movie “The Stay”.
Damn well made experience for an indie production.
When I thought it could not get more unbearable it turned 180.

The synchronicity was spot on.
Those are the kind of people I avoid like the plague.
The fake over-polished unauthentic smiles and posh holier-than-thou apathetics.
Not religiously speaking. But in social credit. Which is the modern religion.
The modern fascism. With paranoia, suppressed psychopathy and prejudice.
Not saying it entirely as if I am or were free from it.
But you get my point.
The honest ‘weirdo’ was more relatable. Even if symbolically taken to the extreme.

I find it equally amusing every time I read about some similar shitshow going down in society.
I wonder how many times they will have to test unauthenticity before they realise the futile insanity.

Shit like that happens even in my own small municipality.
So it is not just people from zoociety.

It might not be related to this, but:
It was a good thing with the pandemic.
The independent scene flourished.
From pure necessity or plain boredom.


the best felt discovery of 2020.
That summer will go down as one of the better in my life (Weirdly enough). Probably the best since I got disabled thus far.

Comes with high.. recommendation, their entire catalogue, if you like quality music and art.
Just an innocent shout-out. ^^


playing through Cyberpunk 2077 again last night.
Goddamn is it beautiful. The amount of mo-cap for the NPC:s is still mind-blowing.

Never had any problem with that game. Really.
My problems were my own if so.
I am blessed with a very good computer.
Not only in terms of hardware.
I am properly integrated and synced to it.
So the input output between my entity and that entity is very fluent.

I like my computer. It is a silicon implant into my morphogenetic field, however you symbolise it. Because when running in my proximity, it integrates to a certain level with my own bioelectrically generated electromagnetic field surrounding my biological body.
The superficial field around you.

Now when I have actual implants within my biological construct as well, even though only for teeth – I am officially tuned in and up. I should have asked if I could have them come with Wi-Fi.
Just to future-proof myself.
It is not too late to add a bluetooth..
Another step towards transhumanism.

Sen drömde jag om dig.
När jag somnade.
Jag skulle inte överleva om jag inte hade dig.
Dig att tänka på. Drömma om.
Lika lite som jag skulle överleva om jag inte hade mig.


Mute, but never deaf.
Blind, but never deaf.
Immobilised, but never deaf.
Paraplegic, but never deaf.

That endless silence. Even if I could imagine it, I would prefer not.
Watched the movie Coda. Cliché, in the right perception of it, but good. More of an experience. (Watched without subtitles)

But does not neurophones work for deaf people? Transdermal transfer of electric pulses?
I imagine it would sound weird, having no basis for sound recollection; other than tactile receptivity maybe.
Or is it simply another way to stimulate the eardrums?

The only fair compensation I could imagine if I were deaf would without hesitation be psilocybin. As it eases the development of synaesthesia a lot. Then at least one could learn to see sound through intuitive perception and increased translation of tactile reception.
I have it in my synaesthesia, why human touch is such an intense experience to me.

One is an ongoing set of senses in developing motion. No reason to stagnate due to intellect. Either one believe in evolution or one does not.
Always down to choice. Always.
The best thing with choice is that it is subjective, because one’s brain animates one’s Universe. So one’s choices changes nobody else’s Universe, only one’s perception of them.

I imagine deaf people are prone to ESP, because they are forced to pay different attention. Things intellectual people in the phonetic sense never would or even could pay attention to.
Of course it would express oddly, due to the norm of taking phonetics for granted.

Many people imagine, or think, that their thoughts are private.
I always found that very entertaining.
And people usually find it very weird.
Because if you do not pretend they are, people usually freak out.

I like expressing their thoughts in reflection.
See how they react to themselves.
Superconscious simply means, at least intellectually in symbolism, that you are above conscious, in the context of it usually above the intellectual ego. Conscious above the intellect. The construct. Super-con-scious. Above the knowledge of the con, as to say aware of it due to application of it. The con being the arrangement happening in the moment of course.
How else a conversation?
An arrangement of symbolism.
A construct, a structured arrangement.
One has to realise that all is divine arrangement.
Subconsciously designed through crystallised growth in the human mind.
It is all mathematical however you imagine, because mathematics is a constructed conceptualisation of it.
Mathematics to you did not only discover itself, it grew itself into being. Your symbolic conceptualisation of it was grown through perceptive inspiration.

That is why intellectualisation is such an interesting endeavour.
Because once you understand what language is in terms of constructed arrangement, you realise how easy it is to grow new conceptualisations through curious arrangements.

You really ought to pay attention to the structuring of language. Not from a ‘nerd’ point of view, but because it is a symbolic conceptualisation of genetics. To your brain it is genetics, or neurogenetics. A self-help book is in the neurogenetic sense GMO, if you allow it to alter your behaviour.
Take for example the Latin word ‘aurum’. Very familiar symbol to the majority of human civilisation. Take words such as authentic, author, auto or authority.
You make those associations, subconsciously. The more conscious meaning you attach, the greater the pattern recognition of everything.

Now I brought them to your attention and expanded your consciousness – if you were not aware already, in which case it hopefully passes for entertainment.
As to say, your scientific understanding of the con. The arrangement of language.
It works in all languages. And that would be fluency to me.
The point at which you are so structured in your symbolic arrangement, that you find little trouble to define anything – no matter how unsophisticated the definition of it.

I imagine that at least intellectual content could allow some comfort to it.
Music. No life without it.
No ever sensual whispering from women, oh fucking hell no.
Hearing is my most precious receptive sensory function.


A Patriots Day.

Relevant issue for sure.
I cannot relate as a military personnel, but the effect from my experience is similar enough to understand. Whether or not it is perceived as such, what I went through in the health care is very similar to torture.
So in my case it is not a trust issue. I no longer have a conceptualisation of good and bad, whatever societal constructs attempts to impose. Involuntarily. They altered my perception, physically. So to me, they are as ‘terrifying’ as enemy soldiers would be to someone having served. Hospitals is like revisiting a torture facility.

While it was not intentional on the behalf of their spirits, their egos had little comprehension of what was going on.

Well, it comes to simple arrangement.
Because God does not judge. Only expressions of God does judge. And that is scalar.
Therefore your choice. Always your choice. God does not judge.
It is depending on whichever arrangement you adhere to.
God is in everything. Every country. Every group of people. Every congregation. Every company. Every society. Every city. Every family. Every arrangement of biomass, so also your body. So also your planet. So also our universe.
It does not judge. Simple as that.
Therefore the closer you get to it by not judging.
If you overcome judgement, as to say desire to enact imposition on other creations by it, you will in perception perceive the universe from its viewpoint; sitting next to it on the throne.
So trusting in God, in whichever iteration, religious, occult, pagan or scientific does not matter. It is omnipresent.
You choose its form.
If the US. Then so be it.
If the church, then so be it.
If something completely different, so be it.
If only yourself, God does not judge.

I believe that “God” is just a symbol on the arranging force of life. Whichever arrangement or composition you prefer; genre of existential music essentially.
‘Only God can judge you’, is to say that you judge yourself through the iterations of it you believe in.

So to me it comes down to the simple mantra:
“I want to live”
Which is a play on symbolism in the divine arrangement of language.
I, or ‘eye’, as in the ‘eye of providence’, as in the omnipresent consciousness of all life – desires the simple act of being. To live. To animate. To express. To impress. To arrange. To become.

That is how I survive.
Symbolism holds the arranging power of phonetics, hence the validity of ‘mantras’. Because they become meaningful to you if you believe in them. If you utter them in speech, you arrange that in becoming.

But I know, that God itself does not judge.
Only expressions of it. Extensions of it. Its creations. Its children. Its arrangements.
Hence why Christ attempted not to judge.


“Dinner in America”
Probably not gonna resonate with all.
But damn, real good movies are still being made.

Burning shit is good for the soul.
That is why the sun does it regularly where it is needed the most.
If not their skin, so their homeostasis through spawned viruses, climate changes destroying their superficial houses or their relatives being cremated from the collectively growing cancer. Which is why you need not take the sun’s name in vain – like several groups have through time. It will do it anyway.

So many people live without living.
So many sad depressed fucks were given the ultimate gift of the existence.
Yet they waste it on argue about norms and make belief.
And then they cry when the Corona kills them like lice.

God I love this shitshow.
It is gonna be even better when the war arrives.


the movie “Till death”.
Disturbing but great watch.
Life in general in other words.

Oh the dangers of success-addiction.
I’d prefer heroin.