Det

är ingen idé att ni ens försöker nå min nivå.
Om ni inte är militär. Eller äkta män/kvinnor.

Pressade 7an med 21 jävla kilo. ~42% av kroppsvikten.
Bara för att.
14kg i västen. 3,5kg hantel i vardera näve.
På 75 minuter.
I nattmörker.

Försök inte ens.
My level is above yours.

Nu ska jag nästan gråta en stund av smärtan från inre blödningar – eller vad det än är som får min bioproduktion att se ut som ketchup – och skämma bort mig extra mycket med två baner och två glas vatten.

Fy. Helvete. I. Satans. Jävla. Rövhål. Vad. Jävla. Ont. Det. Gör.
Överdriver inte. Orkar knappt lyfta armarna och det smärtar att andas.
Jag hoppas jag vaknar i morgon.

Men det man inte dör av blir en starkare av.
Ju närmre kanten, ju mer gain.


Nice

Nu har jag tävlingslicens igen!
Ser fram emot kommande säsongen som fasen!

Damn, gårdagens promenad kändes lite grann, kände jag när jag vaknade.
Så blir att ta det lite lugnare idag. För har tvättstugan.
Om jag orkar så kanske det blir en kvällsrunda i sjuan.
Men vill inte vara helt trasig på skjutbanan i morgon.

Om jag bara hade mer kapacitet.
Nere på 49,5 kg kroppsvikt, men det är normalt att tappa något kilo när hösten kommer.
Om det bara fanns något sätt att gå upp i vikt. För mig.

För närvarande:
178cm längd
49,5kg kroppsvikt
15,6 BMI
~6,9% kroppsfett

Världens

manligaste mössa lyckades jag få tag på också.
Folk får ju mens i hjärnan när en har basker på sig.
Men det förklarar för mig varför de klär sig som utvecklingsstörda.
Så fick leta rätt på något mer civilt.
Även om min basker var lila och så civil som den kan bli.
Om ni inte har något hemligt förband någonstans med lila basker här i Sverige.

Banksy funkar alltid.
Symboliskt är det spot on.
Min hjärna är min flickvän.
Och hon älskar att “swing on the spiral”. (Tool – Lateralus)
Tänk dig typ.. The Prodigy’s Smack my Bitch up (musikvideon).
Fast omvänt.
She mah gal and a fecking God of imagination.
Det är nice att ha en hel hjärna, med båda halvorna.
Utan att behöva en annan köttsäck att släpa runt på i förhållande.

Frihet.
Fri man.

PERKELE

EN MIL.
EN JÄVLA MIL.
MED FJORTON KILO I VIKTVÄSTEN.
I FUCKING ÖSREGN HALVA VÄGEN.
PÅ HUNDRASJU MINUTER BLANKT.

ENLÅNGRADMEDFULAJÄVLAORD.
MIN CELLULÄRA KOLLONI ÄR OSLAGBAR.
SMÄRTA ÄR INGENTING.
SMÄRTA ÄR INGENTING.
SMÄRTA ÄR INGENTING.
MER ÄN NÅGOT ATT BEMÄSTRA.

Nu ska jag skämma bort mig själv med ett glas vatten och en banan.


Testar

tian idag. Med 14.
Såatte, om detta är mitt sista inlägg.
Vet att jag trippade vidare ståendes och gåendes på benen i alla fall.

Kikade på lite info om GMU.
Och nej. Nej. Nej nej nej och nej.
Ett felriktat slag under närstridsövningarna och det är godnatt, tack och hej.
Även lite för mycket kasta sig, kravla runt och allt det.
Drömma kunde en ju, men jag visste hela tiden att det var nogo.
Även om jag tvingar mig igenom inre blödningar och skit.
Så kan inte joina och kladda ute i leran dessvärre. 🙁
Men det hade varit kul. Disciplin och grupparbete.

Får köra min egen träning istället.
Hålla sig i form och fräsch som civil.
Och ta det lite på skytteföreningen istället.

Die, but do.

Aja

inte min dag idag heller. Men det visste jag redan innan jag gick ner till skjutbanan.
Hösten kommer och kylan med den, och smärtan med det.
Var pepp och glad som vanligt att få gå ner och blåsa lite bly.
Men jo, klimatet suger när man har reumatism.
Hösten är alltid värst.
Det är framåt vintern när man vant sig som det fungerar någorlunda igen.
Omställningen är alltid värst.
Tappade en poäng från i torsdags.
Men det gör inget. Det var inte tillräckligt för att snea mig.
Fnissade mest istället.
Orkar inte hetsa när jag vet varför det går sämre.
Landade på 417,4.
Verkligen inget mind-blowing när jag brukar ligga uppe på 420-ish poäng.
Det kommer igen.

Växlade nätverk också.
Känner att jag inte vill min data flyga runt planeten i onödan. Så anslutningsvis håller jag den inom Sverige. Tills vidare. Såvitt jag vet så är mitt webbhotell One.com stationerat i Danmark. Så det är inte jättedåligt, de är en brorsa de också, som de andra nordiska länderna. <3

Beroende på hur resultatet blir i kyrkovalet så överväger jag att lämna kyrkan som medlem.
Vill inte bidra till de som vill se mig död bara för att jag är handikappad och har egna åsikter. De var de enda som spammade min brevlåda med information (Förutom medlemstidningen). De har inget i den organisationen att göra vilket som om de ska bestämma själva vem som får vara där eller inte – och är ett hån mot Gud. Den riktiga. Om jag får yttra min personliga åsikt. Jag växte alltid upp med att kyrkan är öppen för alla – även de som tvekar eller som tror på annat. Så om de vill installera portvakter så känns det bra märkligt. Ser dock ut att inte gå så bra för dem i det preliminära. Så förblir nog medlem.

Jag röstade inte, mest för att jag är så otroligt dåligt insatt. Har inte tagit mitt medlemskap så seriöst – förmodligen till min egen förlust.
Håller tummarna för de som tar Gud och Guds ord (Genom Jesus lära eller direkt från källan) på allvar, vilka de än associerar sig med inom den organisationen.

People

be like:
So, you are a Christian?
And I be like: No.
And they go: But you believe in God?
And I respond: No.
They stutter: What?
And I say, with the greatest certainty in life: I know “God”. It is my best friend, because it gave me the gift of life. The greatest gift I have ever been given. Ever. In whatever existence is. Whatever eternal infinity of nothingness and everything that is really is and are, were and will be.
Confusingly they wonder: But does that not make you religious?
Before I respond I smash my head hard in the table in the attempt to reach their level of mental infancy: “God”, or “Nature”, or “Life”, or “Consciousness”, or “The Universe”, or “whateverthefuck” is bigger than religion to me. Much much much much bigger. Because all of them exists because of it. If a person does not get it, they are as good as dead already. Such a miserable state of life. Not even realising life flashing before their very eyes in every given moment of life. Every second. Every moment. Even here. Right now. Exactly here where you have your eyes right now. Life passes you by before you die they say. If you do not see it, you are already dead.
They: ….
And I conclude: Religion is just a fashion. Mental clothing. A special hat. Special words. Special behaviour. It is as legit as anything else. But you cannot contain everything in something. If you believe that, you are either tremendously stupid or even more tremendously stupid. To me they, religions or other paradigms, are just another one of God’s flowers. Hence why I respect them all for what they are. “God” is great. So great that nobody can really fathom how great it is. No religion or science know why we are here right now. Why you can read these words right now. What all of this is. Why this planet seem to be. Why we float around in time and space and just happen to be so that we can experience this. Nothing knows that, I know because I have studied most of them. But the more I studied, the more I found “God” to be everywhere. At all places at once. In all schools and paradigms, sciences and religions at once. No character, no personality, no judgement. It just allows life as the greatest gift given ever. The chance to wonder whatever the fuck life actually is and are, were and will be.

Usch

fifan, det där kändes.
De hugger te, man vacklar te – men bitter ihop, ler och ser glad ut.
Även om det förmodligen ser ut som det där memet.

Ett tag var jag inne på att söka till GMU. För lite allmän disciplin and shit.
Men tror inte att det skulle hålla. Vet inte vad för rutiner de kör.
Men jag kan pressa topp 5 mil i veckan med 14kg packning.
Känns inte som att det skulle räcka. Då jag inte har mycket mer kapacitet än det.

Det är egentligen bara fysiken det fallerar på.
Fuck jag avskyr att vara funktionshindrad.
Annars hade milen, om inte dubbla milen om dagen varit barnlek.

Menmen. Kör min egen träning istället.
Bättre än ingenting.
Är strax över 61 mil i år sammanlagt, blandad bärvikt.
Liger långt efter förra årets prestation efter en hel månads slack i augusti.

PAY ATTENTION

Now it comes around again.
Just like you saw in the synchronicity.
Just like last time.
Just like it did the other time.
Do not sell your voice and vote.
Not this time.
Your sovereignty is more important.
As for now.
Very dangerous taking sides now.
Stay neutral. Stay on the side-line.
Save yourself. First.
You owe them nothing.
Not after what they have done to you.
They owe it to themselves.

You know what is coming.
You can feel it.
Play it safe.
You know what happened last time.
Do not risk it.
Not with what is escalating in the world.
There is a reason why those were the best years.
Next year, it is over.
The effects of your previous choice.
And now you know why.

Now is not the time to rock the boat.
Stay safe. Be safe. Persevere.

– A friend 🧁

Mjaeh

Inte min dag idag på skjutbanan.
Gick bra och så. Men inget mind-blowing.
Min hjärna konspirerade mot mig.
För mitt i serien så var den tvungen, prompt tvungen, att fråga mig hur finskt sitt-skytte skulle se ut.

Japp.
Försöka hålla sig för garv när man redan kvider av smärta ger inget personbästa.
Måste ha skadat något igår. Kan inte luta mig utan att det gör ont.
Aja, jag överlever. Som vanligt.

418,3 gick jag ut på. Så 3,9 poäng sämre mot i måndags.
Tar’t redigare på möndah. Sen blire stå på nästa torsdah!

Defining

the unknown is by far one of the hardest things you can do in life – because it has never been done before. Nor can it be defined. Because the moment it is, it is known.

Realising this, one can assume that knowledge grows. You grow knowledge. And the more of it you have grown, the greater the foundation which constitutes your understanding. It takes knowledge to understand, but understanding to truly know.

This is why one should collect ideas. Because they are mental fertilisers.
All creation is merging of two or more different components. Because if there were no merging, everything would be in equilibrium. All destruction is the separation of two or more components.
This regardless of portion in the energy spectrum.

The mind thinking is a very volatile place if you are a true thinker. Constantly ideas merge and separate from each other. Like atoms and molecules. The more exotic the combination of ideas, the easier it is to reach the unknown.

Since the unknown is surrounding the known, it is not hard to reach per se. The hard part is to separate yourself from the known. As to say, to some extent destroy the automatic and autonomous nature of the ego – that is looping you back from the edge of the unknown through ideas such as denial, disbelief and doubt.
Once you reach the edge of the known, it like looking out from a window on an airplane. You have a vague idea what is there, but you cannot really fathom it.
That is when you initiate the growth of ideas.

It is as easy as it is hard. Because it has not been done before.
It is easy to do, just create something new.
The hard part is to integrate it.
And the even harder part is when it starts to question and challenge the integrity of what you knew. Because now your integrity and therefore entire definition of reality is in question.
This is usually where people loop back into the known.
They simply become scared of their mental platform being challenged.

Takes quite a lot of mental integrity to traverse the unknown.
Metaphorically, it is like walking in a deep forest, having no idea what is in it.
And your sight extends only a few meters ahead of you.

Integrity in that sense, is a ‘frienemy’ – because it can protect you if you are properly aware. But it can also inhibit you if you are unaware. As to say, one can be contained within one’s own ideas of reality. And it has composed ideas that in an automatic fashion loops the thinker back to ‘safety’.

Everyone wants to be safe. Because they are scared absolutely shitless of the unknown.
Downright terrified. Because deep within, they know they do not know. So their integrity is simply denial. Assuming to know and creating a mental barrier to the edge of the known. A kind of mental and intellectual insulation.
“It is not real”

Real is just an idea.
Nothing more. Nothing less.
Whatever you associate and ascribe to that idea will manifest as your reality.
Since most people are given an intellectual template which they never question, they rarely stray from the known. Denial, disbelief and doubts blocks them.

What do you know?
Truly. Because it is a good question. One of the better actually.
Because when you start to question yourself that question, you realise just how little you do know. If you stop asking that question, you loop back into the known.

So in conclusion, the fastest way to reach the unknown, is to question what you know.
You see now you are mentally engaged in the process of growing ideas. You have to. You have no choice.
A question is the receptive mental component, the attractive, the sensual and before your very ideas dancing concept that spark an answer. A formulated idea.
Combined they create something new. Hopefully.
The better your question, the greater the potential for a good idea in the shape of answer. And the better you are at questioning your answers, the more rapid the mental expansion.

So at first, you have to mentally grow towards the unknown by questioning all you know. Once you know what you know, how little that is, and its level of integrity – now comes the process of assimilation. Integrating ideas into what you think you know. This is the process of growing integrity. And you absolutely need it.
The integrity of your arranged knowledge, the sum of your ideas, is your mental vessel with which you traverse the unknown.
If it is not sufficiently integrated and of a strong integrity, you will lose yourself in the unknown.

Does not mean it is catastrophic, but it could be.
Your mind once it traverses outside the collectively known, operates in the fashion of a space station, or submarine. It is now its own enclosed mental intellectual system. Navigating the depths of the unknown.
And assuming infinity, that ought to be mind-boggling to say the least.

But it is also your greatest source of intellectual harvest.
If you are good at combining ideas and concepts in an integrated manner, now your intellectual entity grows, and your ability to traverse the unknown increases.

From what I have seen in the unknown, it is not even a question to me why the vast majority of humans are absolutely terrified of it. To the very point that they even deny that.
They take “reality” for granted.
But essentially, the definition of reality, the arrangement of ‘known’ is little more than an energetic arrangement.

The more novel and sophisticated that arrangement, the more attractive it becomes.
You are terrified, but your curiosity grabs you.
This because growth is life. As long as you are truly alive, you will be curious.
Otherwise you are dead. If not in your biological arrangement, so in your mental.

You must have and accept the unknown if you want to be alive. Truly alive.
Because it is only on that mental edge, where you can glimpse into whatever the fuck life actually is. And is not. If it even is. Why do I even write this?

I take comfort in being terrified before the unknown. I have been it for so long that my statement that the unknown is my best friend is no light expression.
I am constantly attempting to integrate newly grown ideas into my intellectual arrangement.

You see, I have a tremendously huge ego – but not in the conventional meaning of that saying. Because my ego is not autonomous by means of intellect. It has not been programmed to automatically loop back into the known through denial, disbelief and doubt.
Like the ones with small egos.
Usually, the people you say have a “huge ego” actually has a very small ego. Because they neither question themselves nor what they know – they take the reality for granted the way they have defined it. A very narrowminded and smallminded way to operate whatever the fuck existence actually is. No I am not excusing my cursing, because you need to realise the importance of this.
If you take offense from a linguistically arranged symbol with no actual meaning in the greater aspect of things – that is an absolute proof you have a very small mind.
You do not even question why you take offense from it. You do not question the context.
In fact, you probably do not question anything at all. More than what you should eat today.

Why can you eat?
What is that?
Beyond biological integration in the physical spectrum of energy.
As I said, why and how am I even writing this?
Not in the light sense of the words, but as in.. you know, and you do not know?
What is all of this.
Who are you.
Why are you reading this?
Right now?
Why does this happen?

That is just the awareness triggers that everyone needs to have.
The ongoing questioning of the perceived reality.
Once you crystallise a perfect definition of it, you are mentally stagnating.
Because now you are not attempting to integrate new ideas.
Now you are comparing your ideas to other ideas.
And since your definition of “reality” is perfect, it is dead.
It will not grow. It will not become anything more.
Because you think you know.

And you will never explore the unknown as long as you think you know.
Because you must literally think what you do not know to traverse the unknown.

Confession

There is one thing that I really dislike with myself.
And that is my reoccurring bitterness.
Especially during the days.
I do not like being edgy.
But it is as if I do not have a choice.

You can think of it as this, as it makes it easier to understand to most people.
If I were an Avenger, well, it depdends.
Asking me, I mean, Tony Stark/Iron Man is the pick. For obvious reasons.
(Black widow if my gal got to pick)
Someone said I reminded of Dr. Strange when it released years ago.
(I have not really kept up with that Universe for a while – I believe since Iron Man 3 or something like that)
But in truth I am probably more like the Hulk.

Always edgy. Always angry.
Due to my never-ending pain.
That is why I sometimes appear to be like a floffy kitten that loves everything just a bit too much.
And the very next moment appear to be a psychopathic cold blooded killer.

Is no fun.
Trust me.
It is not fun being bitter so often.
It takes away a lot of joy.
It is one of my biggest flaws, for sure.

So yeah, that is why I am very concerned about pointing out to not take me too seriously.
I mean, it goes without saying. But some people might assume I take myself too seriously.
Which I most certainly do not. I would not be able to stand myself if I did.
This is the reason why I was very suicidal back in 2014-2016.
I began taking myself too seriously. And could not stand myself.
But I did not know it, because I was not self aware enough.
Then I got high and laughed at myself. And that is how I overcame it. Slowly.
This is also why I shy away more than most. Because I do not want to be high all the time.
And when I am sober, the pain increases, and by so my bitterness.
So I simply do not want to be rude due to me not being able to always control it.

If you find my expressions “cringy”, edgy and bitter.
Just ignore it. I mean it. Unless you like that kind of content, as some do.
Then please enjoy. But keep in mind it is only my emotional outlet, so that I do not go full scale psychopath for real. Written text hurts far less than physical violence – so it is the best I can do.

I feel it needs to be understood.
Because in many cases, I am not really how I express myself due to not having much choice in that moment. This is also reason why I method act a lot, as I try to channel it into played characters, so I can understand them.

But yeah pain.
I most certainly completely understand women during that week.
To the point where it is not even funny to me.

Some

panoramas I captured today as well.
I realised that my track is rather boring for snapping pictures.
But it is the most efficient route, if you want as much nature without straying too far from the city centrum.

There are more interesting vistas along the 10km route.
I will try and remember to snap some when I feel strong enough to take on that one.

Ouch

did my seven again today. With 14kg carry.
All went fine and smooth, until there was about 500m left.
Then something burst inside. Probably internal bleeding.
Will probably have fever tomorrow.
Fucking fuckeli-fuck-fuck it fucking hurts.
It feels like getting stabbed (yeah I know how that feels, since I have been surgically operated on without proper anaesthesia). And suddenly the last 500 meters feels like 10 kilometers instead.
You want to cough. You want to vomit. The pain is mind-numbing and one has to struggle to maintain balance and to not collapse.

Fuck this shit.
And I am not even on 21kg yet.
Fuck this shit.

It is not the first time.
So I am not worried.
Same thing happened several times last year.
It will not kill me, it will only make me stronger.
Or at least more immune to pain.

Pic taken during today’s march:

I was what I am

I was

a weird person.
One of the weirder ones.
an alone person.
Lonelier than most here.

I was

a funny person.
But never intentionally.
a crazy person.
Whether I wanted or not.

I was

a knowing person.
Too smart for my own good.
an oblivious person.
But I knew that as well.

I was

with weird ideas.
As only a weird person can be.
with rare endeavours.
Nobody else wanted to do it.

I was

so fucking tired.
Maybe you know what I mean.
wandering endlessly.
But I knew exactly where.

I am

whatever I am.
But that has never been enough.
myself, has always been.
But that most certainly is not enough.

I am

what I have become.
The love for life is ever-present.
never really in fear.
I do not know enough to be.

I am

a very curious person.
To what is to come, whatever may.
never more than I can.
And it has always been enough for me.

I am

not one of those.
One of all the others out there.
not human at all.
They just insist on me being.

Just because I have one of their bodies.

I am.
Curious expression.
Statement of becoming.
I was I am.
I am I was.
Am I what I was?
Was I what I am?

It is

that mind-numbing confusion that comes with being awake.
When all the zombies are.
Thoughts that are not your own.
Desires that are not your own.
The cancer screaming “I am right, I am right!”
Even though they refuse to explain it properly.
The fatties screaming “It is mine, it is mine!”
Even though they already have more than they can shove their fat faces.
The losers screaming “I am so depressed, so depressed!”
Even though they rarely have any real reason to be.
I just observe them.

There is this strategy; kill by kindness.
Feed your enemy to death.
These ones does it themselves.
All you have to do is watch.
If you tell them that, they eat more.

It almost got me.
That fucked up insanity.
Damn it was close.
Almost killed my kid.
Never again.

I hold mine close.
And watch all the fat fucks who cannot.
Slowly give in. Slowly give up.
No raging against the dying of the light in them.
They put it out themselves instead.

Then they complain over cancer.
Over whatever they get.
I do not give a fuck.
They are just noise.
And I like silence.

They be gone soon.
Because they have no real interest in the future.
They only want more.
Money.
Stuff.
Food.
Fat.

But never more life.
Disgusting.

If you are not one of those, regardless of appearance,
then you earn my respect.
It might not be much to the world at whole..
but you can take pride knowing you earned it for real.
As I try to keep it authentic. (“Real” to ‘gangstas’)

Tillbaka

till 14 kilo i viktvästen från 10. En ökning med ~8% i relation till min kroppsvikt; 50,2 kg.
Intensivt.
Men det är gött.
Går lättare att andas.

Ett par omgångar till, så kör jag upp till 21kg i viktvästen, som förra året.
Endast fyra kilo under halva kroppsvikten.
Som att vara överviktig, utan att vara överviktig.
I ett perspektiv.
Eller som i att kontrollerat låta kroppen arbeta på 150% kapacitet.
I ett annat.

Så att jag har exceptionell kapacitet när jag endast bär mig själv.
Det värsta som händer är att jag får inre blödningar och lite feber.
Hellre det än att jag blir så fet/ineffektiv att jag inte kan gå längre.
Det finns inga ursäkter.

Jag gör redan mer än jag ska, borde och egentligen kan.
Gnäller du för mig så förtjänar du inte att leva. Punkt slut.

Whenever

people, especially on the Internet, has that funny reaction like:
‘Oh, so you are one of those weapon maniacs.. I assume you are a psychopath that will shoot civilians as soon as you get the chance’
Usually in other words, but that is the thought that arranges their formulated expression.

And I just shake my head before the travesty.
If I ever manage to shoot and kill civilians with a high precision air rifle before they run away or law enforcement intervenes – I ought to be rewarded with some kind of medal by the military for mind-bending efficiency.
You cannot even partake in air rifle competitions without a license here in Sweden.
Also consider that it is a single action mechanism that is quite slow to reload. Five seconds at least, per shot. That produces no more than 10 Joule in the .177 calibre – and that is within the ten first meters.
As I said.. mind-bending efficiency.
You produce far more damage with only your fists in the same amount of time.
If you use the rifle as a blunt weapon, now it has become truly dangerous.

It would be as ludicrous as the “I once saw him kill three people in a bar.. with a pencil.” In fact, you would do more damage if you manage to load the air rifle with a pencil, because it is heavier and thus produces slightly more force at close range.
The most powerful weapon I have ever fired (not counting the intellectual nukes I drop occasionally) was a hunting shotgun during skeet shooting. That was some fifteen-ish years ago.
I will never shoot on anything alive. That is not why I do it.
There is no point doing it. With an air rifle like this. The best you will accomplish is some fear in whatever. Unless it is very small game. But that is just cruel – and pointless.
Like killing ants with a magnifying glass.
I also have no reason to hunt animals, as a dedicated vegetarian. Case closed on that end.

Damn I dislike people that cannot keep hobbies and fucktards making dumb decisions apart – usually because they themselves belong to the latter.
Probably the same biological failures that blamed Marilyn Manson for school shootings perpetrated by other retards back in the days. I also firmly disbelieve the accusations directed against him in recent times – he does not give off that vibe. Maybe those people accusing should question their own abuse.
*quietly shakes my head in utter disbelief*

Anyway..
To me it is all about the score.
Because it is a score that attempts to measure how well I can maintain my attention.
Like the IQ-tests attempts to measure how well you can recognise patterns.
I got 100% on mine; 45/45. Assuming it is legit (supervised FRT-A IQ-test arranged by Mensa).
But intelligence without attention is like shitting without toilet-paper.
And you all saw that one 2020.
So no need to worry.

Picture taken April 2018; and that is my own rifle for the standing discipline.
I use my family’s air rifle for the sitting discipline.

Fasen

i trottoaren.
Det gick helt ok på skjutbanan idag.
Klämde ur mig hela 422,3 poäng efter att ha släpat ner mitt eget gevär dit.

Det sitter fasenimig i än.
Och idag var jag inte riktigt i form.
Preppad och klar såklart, men inte helt i kroketten.
Som vanligt. För mycket tänka.
Men jag kan hantera det.
Inte en chans att jag skjuter så annars.

Inte efter ett och ett halvt års uppehåll.
Natural fecking born baby!

Kan ha varit för att jag lyssnade på Zack Hemsey’s musik medan jag sköt också.
Det är en möjlighet. Han är pricksäker med orden, det kan ha smittat av sig.

Målet och hoppet är att nå 10,6 i snitt denna säsongen. Inte totalt, men i åtminstone ett par serier. Helst 40-serier. Har ännu inte lyckats traggla mig över 10,5. Långt glapp i den fraktionen. Precis som det är typ hundra gånger längre från 10,6 till 10,7. 10,8 i snitt bör vara i det närmsta omänsklig prestation.
10,6 i snitt betyder en poäng på minst 424,0.

Så..
10,6 i snitt på skyttet.
Och 7 km med 14kg packning (~28% av kroppsvikten) under 60 min.
Det lär duga som stats för någon som är funktionshindrad i relation till fullt förmögna.
Duger som standard för mig.

Almost

done with the rearrangement of my template, my new becoming.
The end of the metamorphic process and becoming.
I have a completely different template in mind.
A new structure to organise for my mind.
Considering this is my eight or ninth, depending how you count –
eight artificial – I have become exceedingly efficient at arranging myself – at least internally, where the endeavour has been central.

Biological rearrangement is rapid. Morphing of the human body is faster than one might think – if one can think proper.
But mental is where the interesting part is at.

I have become so sophisticated in my neurogenetics that I need to arrange an internal governing organ, arranging the intellect for futureproof decisions. Considering I intend to preserve my entity for a while.

This to enable even more informational output and accelerated development.
The best thing with becoming more sophisticated, is that you can now become more sophisticated. And if you cannot, the infrastructure is not efficient enough.
That is why one enters metamorphosis, rearranges the internal infrastructure to increase efficiency. Thus allowing further sophistication.

Incarnation and reincarnation is a mental process more than a physical to humans.
Whenever you start a new life, a new you, that is a metamorphosis.
Because it contains most of what you were, but not everything.
The more radical the rearrangement, the more radical the becoming.

Thus far my iterations has only served to condense understanding of the process itself, as to progress towards cyclic regeneration and through that one form of entropy resistance. As an endeavour to withstand time; entropy resistance.

I have recognised and realised most of my bodily processes neurologically. So I can consciously control them to some extent. Have I only the proper resources I can put my body in any given state. Either directly or by neural synthesis.

Now I aim on expanding into the superficial and artificial in the external.
And remove anything that gets in my way.
As I understand how to operate in and through the collective unconscious.

I am done being human. At least the conventional perception of it.
That model is retarded. Too retarded for its own good.

Det

ändlösa skriket.
Där inne.
I det kollektiva sinnet.
Nästan ingen hör det.
För alla tror det är deras tankar.
Överallt.
Varenda jävla dag.
Varenda jävla dag.
Varenda jävla dag.

Bara på natten är det tyst.
Eller när jag är ute och går.
De hör inte skalven ens om de själva är dem.
Om de visste vad som kommer, så skulle de också springa.
Som om de faktiskt värderade livet.
På riktigt.

Det fick mig nästan.
Men jag vägrar dö innan jag dött.
Pressade sju kilometer idag också.
Förvisso bara med tio kilo i viktvästen.

Undrar om gaphalsarna pallar det.
Undrar om den skrikande inaveln ens kan träffa tavlan med ett gevär.
Förstår om de hatar allt om de hatar sig själva.
Jag har överlevt det.

Nah

do not worry.
I never share my best ideas.
These are just thoughts I animated several mental generations ago.

My best ideas I do not yet know how to put into formulated intellect.
It does not translate. Yet.

The absolute edge of known science is like one of those upgrades in a strategy game. You have to wait for bio-components of a colony, the human resources, to develop them.
By means of observing the temporal progression of any entity, you get a fairly good idea where they are heading. That applies on individuals as much as countries.

Synchronicity arranges itself on a carrier wave. In the temporal, that would be the swing of the planet. It spiralling according to a gravitational rhythm.
If you know that, then you know that the synchronicity today is affected by the gravitational fluctuations in the temporal, past and future.
Hence the ability to foresee future arrangement by observing the present arrangement. The gravitational melody is often more similar than you think.
It is the celestial genetic code, after all.
How repetitive is your life?

Neurogenesis

Think of it as a mental bridge in time.
It is for someone at SAAB.
I cannot see entirely, but someone has an idea they have been working on.
Follow that. It will change a lot.
Enough to leave an imprint in my future.
I can perceive myself reading about it.
But I cannot conceptualise it.
Because it has not happened yet.
This is an earlier lapse in the pattern.
The natural evolution has yet to happen.
You might understand better.
This is my attempt to condense the idea through synaesthesia.
It is arranged to match someone’s perception where it will take hold and inspire/condense:

God no

As stated by me several times, becoming a politician or elect representant is not something I desire and openly refuse.
I respect politicians, even if I disagree with them.
In the same way I respect artists, even if I do not enjoy them.
Fame usually comes with more damage than it comes with benefits.
At least over times.

It is just that people that are not self aware and not self conscious cannot see that. Because they fail to see the negative as they have brainwashed themselves to ‘only focus on the positive’ – so when something bad ever do happen, they stand like retarded ducks lining up to slaughter.

Not funny arranging biomass.
I mean, do you even lift bro?
I know what I know because I need to, on the level of my capacity.
Not optimal, by far, but it is what it is.
At least I have a lot of time to work on my mind.

I have enough issues with myself to ever even consider dealing with parts of or an entire nation.
You (Sweden) keep me alive, so my advice is for free.
I prefer English though. At least for scientific/philosophic speculation.

I am very

happy with my genetic makeup.
I see it as if I got the best components one could.
(Well maybe not the ultimate, but genetic puzzling is hard)
If biogenetics is perceived to be a ‘smörgåsbord’.

I got Swedish intelligence and sophistication.
I got Finnish accuracy and quality.
I got Russian patriotism and power.
And I got the Karelian sense of peace and harmony.
I have a tad bit of Norwegian in me, but I have yet to explore that part.
But I guess in that case it would be pride and wealth (however it comes; I struck gold when I found my creative reserves).
They are all quite associated with beauty, so I guess that comes from all at once.

Skills or attributes which I personally associate with those entities.
All of them have it, but it is usually where they (collectively) put their focus.

All mixed into the being I am.
I am what I am, nothing I can do about it.
Better having more of most, than less of everything.