skärmen anlände. Denna gången utan problem. Skillnaden är klart märkbar.
Ens bara i operativet.
Supernöjd, och dubbelt tack till Komplett som plåstrade på såren.
Sådant som gör att jag stannat som kund sedan 2010.
Nu är jag redo. Eller ja, mer redo än vanligt.
(Som inte är speciellt redo, men aja)

Funny thing

All their freedom.
Yet not even allowed to say FUCK.
It is as if an entire country became a meme.

I wonder what they are so ashamed of.
Biological reproduction? Expressions of power linguistically?
No wonder they have school shootings and shit.
When you cannot exercise power in language.
But are more or less free in weaponry.
Well.. for a little while.
That freedom seem to depreciate.

Perkele is basically a Finnish greeting.
As is “För helvete Örjan, hur fan ståre till?”
(For fuck sake Örjan, how the fuck are you?)
in Swedish.
We have a bit more diverse.. vocab in regard to power expressions.
Not only.. well.. FUCK. We are more creative in that linguistic genre.

Maybe that is why we do not need as many guns.
It is boring, but at least we can.. express ourselves.

I can only speak for myself.
I may speak rude, but not stupidly rude.
If I do I do have reason for it. And I will give it.
Given you are not too retarded to listen.
But I will never hurt you physically.
Unless I absolutely have to.
Only Swedish doctors do that.
And occasionally law enforcement.
And inbreds. Of course.

“När orden tryter tar nävarna till” we say in Swedish.
Basically: When words are lacking, violence emerges.
And you do a good job at censoring.
Especially for the kids. So you lull them into suppressed anger.
That is going to come out somewhere.
Usually a couple of tombstones.
Anger is good. It is controlling it that is the point.
If you overly suppress it, nobody learns to control it.

But hey.

Know me

According to the claim where I found this, this is 100 good questions to ask someone you want to know better. Thus I will answer them honestly and truthfully. And you will know me proper. No character, no method acting. My real self. Like one used to do as a kid/juvenile/youngster.

1. Where do you consider “home” to be?
– “Where I lay my head is home.

2. Do you believe in ghosts?
– I know the presence of extradimensional entities. If that is what question is pointing towards.

3. Are you religious?
– Depends on what one means with religious. Conventionally, no.

4. If you could travel anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?
– Portugal.

5. If you could have dinner with any of the presidents, who would you choose? Why?
– To be completely honest, I do not know. Because I do not think I have anything interesting to offer to the conversation. If it is off the record/friendly dinner any president would do. Why? Well, they have an interesting societal position. They have probably more interesting things to tell than I have.

6. What is your dream job?
– Farmer. Honest work.

7. Who is your role model? Why?
– Life is my biggest role model, because it is alive. Thus anyone that is valuing life passes as a role model if they are truly passionate. Keanu Reeves has been a favourite since an early age because of how seriously/passionately he embraces his acting career. Maynard James Keenan is also someone I admire because of his endeavours and passion in them. Moby is also a role model I look up to when it comes to animal rights. But anyone truly passionate will inspire me – since they play their role in life with dedication – which is to cherish the gift of life.

9. Do you prefer Coke or Pepsi?
– Neither. I almost never drink sodas anymore. If I do I drink Sprite or 7up. But that is very rarely.

10. Do you prefer Cheetos or Doritos?
– Neither. I have only sampled Doritos. I like our Swedish lentil chips. Healthier.

11. Do you eat breakfast in the morning?
Assuming this means conventional breakfast, then sometimes. Usually I just eat a banana or two.

12. When you go to the beach, do you sunbathe or swim more?
– Sunbathe.

13. Have you ever ridden a city bus before?
– I do not possess a driver’s license. So yes.

14. Have you ever traveled outside of the country? If so, where?
– Denmark, Norway, Turkey and Portugal. Portugal the most, clocking in at four times.

15. If you got arrested, what do you think it would be for?
– Being myself.

16. What if your favorite childhood memory?
– The time I was about five years old and my father was driving to look at a boat he was considering buying. That was the day I became aware that I one day will die. While hearing this song on the radio in the car.

17. What was your favorite song two years ago? What is it now?
– I try not to keep favourites. It limits one’s options. Generally I love most of all music I hear. Especially if it authentic with genuine passion. I do not associate myself to specific genres.

18. What teacher have you had that’s made the biggest impact on your life? How?
– My math teacher during my first year in high school studying natural science. He was impressed with my skill to express mathematical concepts in language rather than conventional mathematical symbolism. Something he considered harder. This when I explained my trouble to explain how I could find the answer in my mind as a visual thinker. To translate visual thought into mathematical symbolism is very hard. Even harder than to depict my visual thoughts with symbolic words.

19. Are you a cat person or a dog person?
– Catdog says Mjüff Mjüff.

20. What is a quote from any movie that you know off the top of your head?
“Dodge this” – Trinity in the first Matrix movie.

21. What are you most afraid of?
– That is too personal. And could constitute a personal risk if I told it as it does not really concern me personally. My personal worst fear however is heights.

22. If superheroes were real, who would you want to protect your city?
– Rorschach – he is honest more than a superhero.

23. What is the silliest reason you’ve ever cried?
– I guess that would be the times (plural) when I did not know why I was crying.

24. If you could be a character on any show, what show would you choose? Why?
– None. I am completely content with who I am myself. I would not trade myself for anything.

25. You’re stuck on an island with no way off and no one knows you’re there, what three items do you have with you?
– A saw, a hammer and a knife. If I fail nobody will know.

26. What is the name of one song you know all the words to?
– Many songs. As poet I enjoy reading lyrics.

27. Are you a sore loser?
– Only when I compete with myself. If I knowingly compete against someone else in consent, I do not take their joy of winning away from them.

28. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
– Is this an innuendo? If so, they are wide open in the mind – If not, I do not give a shit. When I sleep I sleep, I do not observe my clothing storage which is in another room.

29. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees?
– Swarm of bees has already happened. Guess it is only the big bear left. Assuming this is also not an innuendo, I would prefer the swarm of bees. They are usually only as hostile as one is afraid.

30. What is your biggest pet peeve?
– Lack of self awareness/ego-driven behaviour.

31. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?
– Nice try FBI.

32. Would you ever strip or pose nude for a photo in a magazine? For a movie?
– Not completely, no. Unless they pay me so well that I am completely set for life in luxury and comfort for the coming two centuries. Aaaand that is not going to happen.

33. What has been your best Halloween costume this far?
– Merovingian (from the Matrix). Nobody got it. 🙁
(It was the first and last time I tried a costume for the occasion)

34. Are you stubborn?
“You should be happy that you are so stubborn, otherwise you would be dead now”
– Actual doctor in the Swedish health care.

35. Do you sing in the shower? In the car?
– Wherever. If the music I am listening to/remember is good. Usually only when I have earplugs in, so that I do not accidently murder myself.

36. Do you take vitamins daily?
– I eat fruit regularly. And yes, some supplements I consume from time to time.

37. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
– No. But I have cried because of laughter many times.

38. Can you swim without plugging your nose?
– Yes.

39. Have you ever won a contest?
– Several.

40. Do you want kids? How many?
– Assuming this refers to biological meatbags. It depends on the mother. If I ever find one that fits me. Aaaand that is not going to happen.

41. Are you missing anyone right now?
– Yes. You do not want to know the details.

42. Do you smile at strangers as you walk by them?
– Sometimes. Usually kids, because they smile at me. So it would be rude not to return it.

43. Do you think your life will change drastically before 2020?
– This question aged poorly. Yeah, it did. In many ways. Because it does not say when before 2020. I got disabled in 2012 – for example.

44. How do you react when people talk badly about you?
– Usually I do not give a shit. If they push too much I bring them a war they cannot believe.

45. Where did you get the shirt you are currently wearing?
– The telnyashka I bought from Russia. The T-shirt from a kids Christmas sale my nephews were partaking in some years back.

46. What has been your favorite gift you’ve been given?
– Life.

47. If you had to delete one year out of your life completely, which would you choose?
– 2012.

48. What is your favorite thing about school?
– Learning stuff.

49. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?
– No. I am an openminded person.

50. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?
– My mom <3

51. Do you get jealous easily?
– I am content with life, so no.

52. Is there anyone you’ve ever given up on? Do you regret it?
– I have given up on many. But no. The only time I would regret is if I gave up on myself.

53. What is something on your to-do list currently?
– Prepare my safe room for the coming war.

54. Are you over your past?
– To the best of my ability and effort.

55. Are you afraid of dying?
– I have been on the edge probably a hundred times. Especially during the chemos/surgeries. So no. But I love life and refuse to let go of it for as long as possible.

56. Are you afraid of change?
– I change every second. So no.

57. Does commitment scare you?
– It depends on the commitment. If the ego is involved, then yes. I do not like selling my soul via the ego.

58. Were you picked on as a kid?
– More than some, less than others.

59. What is one meal you know how to cook?
– Dude, I know how to cook many meals. But preparing a full range sallad is my personal favourite.

60. How many pillows do you sleep with on your bed?
– Two pillows. Two covers.

61. What is one thing you love about yourself?
– Everything. (But humbly, not narcissistically)

62. What is your biggest insecurity?
– My disability.

63. What is the title of your favorite book?
– Honestly I do not know. There are many books I like, but none really passes as the one favourite. I like writing more than reading.

64. When was the last time you felt lost?
– Genuinely. When I was visiting Copenhagen in 2017 to attend the Metallica show on the Royal Arena. I got off the train and realised I had no idea where the hotel was situated. Went about a kilometer in the wrong direction. So it ended up being a two kilometer detour.

65. Do you cry when you are angry?
– I prefer kicking cardboard boxes. (Sorry cats)

66. Are you excited about anything right now?
– Does being alive count?

67. Nike or Adidas?
Slav for life.

68. What is your comfort food?
– My disability makes eating uncomfortable.

69. Do you laugh at the number of this question?
– Ha. Ha. Ha. (I laughed more when I tried it IRL)

70. Where do go when you want to be alone?
– It is rather, where do I go when I do not want to be alone. I am alone about 95% of my time.

71. Who do you call when you need a little pick-me-up?
– Nobody. I have “God”. It is on the line every single second of my life.

72. Do you cry during sad movies?
– It has happened.

73. What is your guilty pleasure?
– Truly naughty fantasies about my crushes.
(They better not know at all – trust me on that. For an Asexual my mind is exceedingly dirty)

74. You’re camped out in front of the TV, what are you watching?
– I stopped watching (conventional) TV in 2008.

75. Do you have a nickname?
– A couple of hundred. “Ophelia” is the most common right now.

76. What would you eat everyday if you could?
– What I do eat. Duh. I am self conscious.

77. Do you collect anything?
– Yes. Ideas.

78. If you could kiss someone right now, who would it be?
– I do not think she would want to be mentioned. And I most certainly do not think she would want to be kissed by me.

79. Are you a spender or a saver?
– Somewhere in the middle. I do not have much of a choice as a disabled living on social insurance.

80. Are you named after anyone?
– My given name is Thim. And it was last minute. My planned name was Robin (thank God for the change of heart, since I have had many friends with that name). My chosen name is Theta, and it is a Greek letter. (Hilariously also “tit” in Portuguese – I was informed when they laughed at me while presenting myself – if pronounced the way we pronounce Theta in Swedish)

81. If you could choose any person in the world to be president, who would you choose? Why?
– I do not vote. Period.

82. Do you daydream often?
Every. Single. Day.

83. Do you know how to change a tire?
I supposedly have 146+ IQ. I guess I can figure it out. No guarantee though.

84. Do you have a hidden talent?
– If I do I have not found it.

85. Do you consider yourself artistic?
– It depends on what you mean. I love to express myself. That does not always merit being artistic.

86. What is something you cant live without?
– Air, water and nutrients. Beyond that some heat and shelter completes the spectacle. The rest is just comfort.

87. Can you name all 50 states?
– 50 states of what? 50 states of emotional expression? 50 states of electromagnetic reverberation resulting in shades of grey? But assuming you mean the 50 states of the US, then no. I do not. Due to lack of interest.

88. Do you eat soup with a fork or a spoon?
– I do not eat soup. If it happens because I am offered it as a meal, then I have in all cases been given a spoon.

89. Do you remember your dreams?
– More than I sometimes like.

90. Are you superstitious?
– No. Paranoid people calls it being superstitious. I am not paranoid. I do not fear the unknown. I do not even know how life exists. We can start at that and the Saturday is saved.

91. What is one thing you would most like to change about the world?
– I do not try to change the world. Exercises in futility are for the naive. I prefer changing myself. That at least brings desired result.

92. What piece of advice would you give 10 year old you?
“Do not listen to the doctors. Go home and eat vegetarian food. You are intolerant to dairy products and meat. You will become disabled for life if you ignore this.”

93. Have you ever broken the law?
– I am alive and I am myself – so yes of course. But I have never brought conflict intentionally or without reason.

94. If you won the lottery, what would you spend the money on?
– Assuming it is a ridiculous sum like millions: What I truly need. Some of the rest I would save just as a future insurance. But the rest I would donate to those in need. I do not care so much about credit. Integrity and life (in general) is more important to me.

95. What was your favorite book as a child? Why?
– The Swedish book of law. Because it contained many funny words I did not know, and had to learn. Next after that I liked reading dictionaries in English. They were not really favourites, but those are the ones I remember reading.

96. Do you snort when you laugh?
– Might have happened, but not usually. I more often giggle silly or gag.

97. Are you a good dancer?
– I have fluid body motion, so yes. But that means true dancing. Not the style-dancing the robots do.

98. If you could have any superpower, what would it be?
– Immortality. Because I love life.

99. Do you believe in the death penalty?
– No. My ego does from time to time. But the ego, individual and collective is completely retarded. Which is why I dislike the artificial intelligence having infected the human mind known as the ego.

100. Are you happy, genuinely, consistently happy?
– I am alive. That is enough. You people are so needy.


I signed up for Netflix once again.

Why is it that I cannot have English subtitles?
I mean, Swedish is my native language.
But I consider English my more main and preferred language (maybe except blogging – but that is more for the sake and care of my native people than myself) due to greater proficiency.
So while they speak English in the movies, I am forced to have Swedish subs.
I never have Swedish subs in entertainment. Ever. I know both English and Swedish well enough for me to not need that.

Hint, Swedes are often more proficient in English than Americans – usually only the highly educated that offer a challenge. (Speaking the Internet now)
(Though I prefer British, in which case it might not always be the case – you proud bloody bastards ^^)
But you do you America, it will be fine. You are still a young country with a bright future. ^^

I know about the regional settings and all. But it feels like absolute overkill to have to rely on a VPN to get an English subtitle when they speak English.
The reason I use subtitles is not because I do not understand, but because I do not always hear what they say. Yes I often use the SDH subtitle. My hearing is fine and all, it my synaesthesia that makes it hard sometimes.

If they speak English and I have a Swedish sub, it distracts me from the movie, since I have to translate the subtitle to English in my mind – to know what they said.

Netflix, please.
English is a very VERY common language in the Nordic countries. Since it is mandatory in our (free ^^) education. So much so that we do not need to dub movies for people above the age of 8.


tian idag. Med 14.
Såatte, om detta är mitt sista inlägg.
Vet att jag trippade vidare ståendes och gåendes på benen i alla fall.

Kikade på lite info om GMU.
Och nej. Nej. Nej nej nej och nej.
Ett felriktat slag under närstridsövningarna och det är godnatt, tack och hej.
Även lite för mycket kasta sig, kravla runt och allt det.
Drömma kunde en ju, men jag visste hela tiden att det var nogo.
Även om jag tvingar mig igenom inre blödningar och skit.
Så kan inte joina och kladda ute i leran dessvärre. 🙁
Men det hade varit kul. Disciplin och grupparbete.

Får köra min egen träning istället.
Hålla sig i form och fräsch som civil.
Och ta det lite på skytteföreningen istället.

Die, but do.